Chicken or Turkey?

A simple question: chicken or turkey?

If you could only have one of those meats for the rest of your life, which would you choose? More importantly, why?

That question helped set me on the path toward how I wanted to practice for the rest of my career.

It was presented to a client who had very little true understanding of themselves. They had played many roles throughout their life, but most of those roles no longer existed. From their perspective only one role remained: victim.

When they were asked to choose between chicken and turkey, picking just one was surprisingly difficult. Then my mentor went further and asked why they had chosen it. Suddenly, the purpose of the question began to make sense.

Understanding who you are as a person is foundational to self-growth and self-actualization.

Are you a lover, a fighter, an advocate, a survivor? Are you analytical, emotional, decisive, cautious, curious, or creative?

Who. Are. You?

Why do you use the shampoo you use? Was it the cheapest one on the shelf? Is it simply the brand you’ve always bought? Was it the shampoo your parents purchased when you were growing up, so it became the one you continued using without ever really thinking about it?

When was the last time you stood in the aisle at Walmart and smelled every shampoo, body wash, or deodorant—not because you needed one, but because you wanted to discover what you actually liked?

People change. Our preferences, priorities, values, tastes, needs, and identities can all shift over time. The things that once comforted us may no longer feel right. Our favorite scents may change. Our taste buds may change. Even the ways we understand ourselves can change.

The same is true for how we give and receive care. What made you feel loved as a child may not be what you need as an adult. Moving away to college, entering a long-term relationship, becoming a parent, experiencing loss, changing careers, or simply growing older can all reshape what fills your cup. You may appreciate words of encouragement from your friends, quality time with your partner, and acts of service from your family. None of those are wrong—they simply reflect where you are in life and what you need from those different relationships.

The relationship we often forget to consider, though, is the one we have with ourselves. If your love language is quality time, are you making time for yourself? If it’s acts of service, are you taking care of yourself with the same kindness you offer everyone else? If it’s words of affirmation, are you speaking to yourself with compassion, or only criticism?

Sometimes we become so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that we forget to ask ourselves one simple question:

What do I need right now?

I once supported a client in smelling different deodorants and choosing one they genuinely enjoyed. From the outside, it probably looked like an ordinary shopping trip. For that client, however, it was an enlightening experience.

For one small moment, they had complete control over a situation. They had the information they needed, considered their options, and chose something entirely for themselves.

That matters.

When someone has spent much of their life surviving crisis after crisis, fulfilling roles created by other people, or making decisions based entirely on necessity, even a small personal choice can become an act of self-discovery.

This is how I practice.

I want to help people build a foundational understanding of themselves.

That may include exploring your love language and how it applies to the way you care for yourself. It may mean understanding which coping skills are likely to work for you and which ones probably won’t. It can involve learning how you solve problems, how you manage your time, how you set goals, how you learn, and how you respond when things don’t go according to plan.

Are you analytical, a driver, a feeler, or an influencer? What are your strengths? Where do you struggle? What have you overcome? Where have you succeeded, and where have things not gone the way you hoped?

Those moments aren’t simply failures. They’re opportunities to learn what didn’t work, understand why it didn’t work, and decide what you want to do differently next time.

Self-understanding also means examining the roles you’ve carried throughout your life.

Who were you expected to be for your family? Who did you need to become just to survive? Which parts of you reflect your own values, and which parts developed simply because they kept you safe?

Most importantly…

Which parts still serve you today?

My work is grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Before I ever began using its principles professionally, I started walking that path myself. Since then, I’ve had the privilege of applying that philosophy as a Certified Peer Specialist in recovery work, Behavioral Skills Training, and Crisis Support. I look forward to continuing that work as a Certified Social Worker and, eventually, as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

My goal isn’t to tell someone who they should become.

My goal is to create enough safety, curiosity, and opportunity for them to begin discovering who they already are—and who they want to become next.

“Who are you?” may only be a three-word question, but the answer is often far more complex than many people realize.

Sometimes that journey begins with values, relationships, trauma, or dreams.

Sometimes it begins in the deodorant aisle at Walmart.

And sometimes…

It begins with one very simple question.

Chicken or turkey?